You have likely watched at least one show involving a sibling dynamic, whether it be centered on a sibling rivalry or the polar opposite. If you have a sibling of your own, you may deal with these things on the daily (believe me, I would know). Whether you love them at one moment or hate them for eating the last snack in the pantry at another, their presence or absence in your life impacts you in a multitude of ways.

Think about your sibling dynamic currently. Are you an older sibling, the youngest? Does your sibling live with you? How well do you get along with them? All these factors can determine how you’re affected by them, and also how you might inadvertently affect them.

How Age Affects You

If you’re a first-born child in the family, you may have had to help raise your younger sibling. This can reflect in the work and in more social settings, as you may naturally take on leadership roles in these areas (1). When you’re the youngest, you probably don’t have this burden. In fact, I can personally attest to this. For this reason, you may instead be more dependent or even learn how to charm people so that they will support you (1). However, it’s important to note that this isn’t guaranteed. Not every oldest child nor youngest child may fit the aforementioned descriptions, and that’s perfectly okay. They’re not always the same.

Being the older sibling in general gives you quite the influence. Being the oldest, the younger ones will tend to look up to you in terms of how to act. One study mentions how “social learning and modeling of behavior is a key process by which older siblings influence the psychological and behavioral adjustment of their younger siblings” (3). If you’re an older sibling, you may want to be mindful of the way you present yourself. If your attitude is bad, you might see that mirrored by your younger sibling.

Having Siblings: The Good

One study found that, in terms of empathy, both younger and older siblings positively contributed to the development of one’s empathy (4). This generally makes sense. Siblings are highly involved with one another as there are family ties that connect them. Chances are you’ll interact often, if not multiple times daily. You might talk about your interests with one another or express your troubles to one another and generally be there for one another. By interacting with your siblings, you learn of and share different perspectives constantly.

Additionally, siblings can also buffer the stresses of any difficult childhood experiences. In the event of emotionally neglectful parents, they may “co-parent” one another (1). If your parents aren’t there for you to confide in, a sibling may be the closest thing. Due to circumstance, some may be forced to do this as a survival mechanism. When your parents prove to be unreliable, you reach out to the closest family you can trust.

On a similar note, “older siblings’ reliability and positivity in stressful situations reduced the negative impacts of stressors for younger siblings” (5). As they’re older, they’ve endured more life experiences than their younger counterparts. Hence, they may better understand how to go about things such as coping in a healthy way or addressing a problem. It’s for these reasons that younger siblings may also look up to them. The more reliable they are, the less they have to worry about as they can go to their sibling for advice on how to handle something.

The same study from the previous section mentions that supportive relations between a younger and an older sibling were simultaneously associated with the younger one’s GPA. In addition to that, “perceived connection to the older sibling was associated with less academic alienation” (3). Basically, if your older sibling encourages you, you’ll probably have more motivation to do well in school.

The Bad

To start simply, if you’re an older sibling who may behave in less than ideal ways (i.e. risky, delinquent, or even downright illegal behaviors), this may then negatively reflect on your younger sibling. We have covered that the older sibling is the one that’s looked up to in terms of how to act. If you’re kind to others, your sibling will take after that. If you’re generally rude to others, they’ll still take after that. This is basically the effect described earlier in the article but perceived in the inverse.

A bit of sibling rivalry is fine. In fact, you could even say it’s expected. However, it can be harmful when taken to the extreme. For instance, those that have an intense sibling rivalry “may exhibit competitive or aggressive behaviors with peers, potentially leading to social isolation or difficulties forming healthy, cooperative relationships” (6). In taking the rivalry too far, it reflects negatively in your other relationships as well, potentially even alienating those if they consider you to be too aggressive. In the long-term, this toxic rivalry can end up shaping entire personalities, be a continued influence on your relationships, and even impact your mental health as an adult (6). It’s okay to be a little competitive in your relationships, but as with anything, it should be moderated.

How to Combat the Bad

A certain amount of sibling rivalry is to be expected. In most cases, parents might even enable that in how they pick favorites or say harmful things like “why can’t you be more like your sibling(s)”. However, it’s important to make sure you don’t hold these things against your siblings.

A parent can address sibling rivalry and prevent it from becoming a larger issue by creating a cooperative environment and celebrating each child’s individual strengths (6). Don’t try to pick favorites, or you’ll exacerbate the issue. Treat your children fairly.

Conclusion

In summary, having siblings can impact you in various facets of one’s life. This can be for good or for bad. It’s important to ensure healthy communication always and to ensure that you’re doing the right thing. Siblings can either be angels to have in your life, or spawns of satan. It’s all up to how you (and they) navigate the dynamic.

Sources:

Siblings and Their Lasting Impact | Psychology Today (1)

How Your Siblings Can Make You Happier (2)

Longitudinal Links between Older Sibling Features and Younger Siblings’ Academic Adjustment during Early Adolescence (3)

Younger and Older Siblings Contribute Positively to Each Other’s Developing Empathy (4)

The Impacts of Siblings on Development Across the Lifespan (5)

10 Tips for Dealing With Sibling Rivalry (6)