The Ache of Comparison
By Eden Castro
By Eden Castro
Adriana apprehensively walked into school. Her headphones were in, and her hands were in her pockets. Despite her strong desire to simply blend in with everyone else, she felt as if she was being watched. Undesired eyes fell upon her as she attempted to attract as little attention as possible.
She glanced at the group of popular girls that walked by her, talking with their friends and smiling brightly. They were effortlessly beautiful, and Adriana knew that she wasn’t. They had perfect teeth, flawless skin, and ideal body types. Adriana had none of those things. She wore hoodies and sweatpants to cover herself. She meticulously dotted a concealer over her cumbersome acne. She had braces in correcting her suboptimal smile.
Adriana finally got to her class, where the math teacher was giving out the tests from the previous week. That same group of popular girls sat right in front of her and waited for their results too. As her teacher approached her desk, he plopped the test face down and Adriana immediately lifted it up. 77%. Her heart dropped. This was Adriana’ best class. She had gotten an A on every single math test in the quarter, and this may have ruined her near flawless average. With tears welling up in her eyes, she glanced at the group of girls in front of her. They high fived each other and squealed with excitement. 92%. 95%. 97%. All miles ahead of Adriana.
Adriana, knowing she couldn’t take this for a second longer, excused herself to the bathroom. Her tears were in full display now, and the agonizing feeling of envy crept into her mind.
Why couldn’t she be pretty like those girls?
Why couldn’t she be as smart as them?
What do they have that she doesn’t?
Adriana couldn’t help but constantly compare herself to these popular girls. After all, they had everything she didn’t have. They were beautiful and intelligent without even trying. And even when she put effort into her grades and appearance, Adriana couldn’t be like them.
What was she doing wrong?
She felt like she was drowning in her own mind: her own worst enemy. This sickening comparison vanished any hope of joy that she could have.
All of a sudden, one of the popular girls, Jenna, walked into the bathroom. She stood at the sink right next to Adriana.
Adriana’s eyes widened and her mind raced. Jenna had just seen her cry. She probably thinks she’s weird. She probably thinks she looks ugly in her baggy outfit.
But to Adriana’s surprise, she didn’t. Actually, Jenna looked devastated. As her makeup ran down her face, Jenna decided to remove it all. Underneath what Adriana thought was flawless skin turned out to be a face that had acne and looked just like hers when the makeup was off.
Jenna winced and next took out the veneers she wore on her teeth. She didn’t have a perfect smile either.
Tearfully, Jenna looked at Adriana and smiled genuinely.
“You’re effortlessly beautiful,” she said. “I wish I looked like you”.
Adriana gasped. Jenna wanted to be like her? All this time, Adriana has been comparing herself to Jenna and her friends, thinking they had everything. But the opposite was true.
Adriana smiled and thoughtfully said, “You are beautiful”. “And you’re smart too”.
Jenna took the math test out of her backpack. Her 75% was scribbled out, and 95% was hastily written under it.
Jenna said, “I just said that so my friends would think I was smarter than I was”. She cried. “I study so much but my results can never show for it”.
Before Adriana could respond, Jenna rushed out.
Adriana couldn’t believe it. The girl she had persistently envied was just like her. She did everything she could to maintain her beautiful appearance and thorough academics. Jenna was more human than Adriana thought she could be.
Adriana learned to stop comparing herself to others and take some pride in herself. After all,
You never know someone else's struggles.