Serene

I am looking at a face I have never knew was mine. The mirror infront of me and the picture frames of me with my parents are too close to not notice. 

A gun in my hand. An old one. 

It's frustrating to live. It's a feeling of going on a walk and finding no end to it. A emotion that is strucked by lightning. A vision that can't look back. And a desire to end it all. 

"You are not trying your best Serene!" 

"You are such a disappointment!" 

The same lines everyday on dinner has been a daily routine. I have gone enough but its never far enough for them. I'm tired of constantly seeking validation from people who don't see me trying. It's frustrating. All that comes to my mind is how I wouldn't have to be such a burden to them if I'm gone. 

My hairs a mess! Eyes are red. There are blood on my wrists! I bought the gun online almost 4 months ago. It was cheap because it's very old. It has bullets loaded inside already. 

I point the gun on my head. Its the only solution. I look beside the mirror, at the picture frame from my childhood in our family backyard . Me, my mom, my dad- we are smiling- we are happy? Were. 

I stare at it and pull the trigger. 

"Serene go tag daddy.

~▪︎~ *laughter echos*

Hey here I comeee-

Mom I will get the balloon first.

Sure honey" 

I am not dead yet 

The gun jammed 

I shift my eyes to the mirror, tears rolling down my face. 

When the gun jams and I'm back in my family backyard playing tag with my dad while my mom is recording us. 

The laughters are echoing- getting louder in my head than my ears. 

There I am again, staring at the ceiling-

LOST.

My hand swinging on the side of the chair. The scars on my wrists are stinging and my grasp around the jammed old gun gets tighter...

Summary

"When the gun jams" follows a scene of a girl named Serene who's tired of seeking validation from her parents. No matter how hard she tries, her parents are never satisfied. The mental pressure of making herself try harder than she could bear- leads her to the point of attempting self harm. Due to unknown fortunate of the gun she had, she travels back to her happy moments for a second and comes back to reality without being dead but carrying echos of her past.